GIVE THE LINE A LITTLE LOVE

Within mere minutes of the Steelers' 30-12 dismantling of the Miami Dolphins going final at Heinz Field Sunday afternoon, the domination of the defense as well as another display of offensive proficiency had faded in to the background.

The starting linebacker corps had just combined for 9 tackles for a loss, a forced fumble, an interception, and 4 sacks. The starting running back continued a pace that’s gained him 1,000 yards on the ground in just his last seven games played. The starting wide receiver caught his sixth and seventh touchdown passes in that same timeframe. A resounding postseason victory of that margin hadn’t been seen on the North Side in twenty years.

Then the starting quarterback walked into the media room with a protective boot on his right ankle.

Several hours later, the coach of those marauding linebackers was being placed in handcuffs.

Before the Dolphins even had time to thaw out, Pittsburgh and its fans were arguing about what should have been done with starters when a game was out of hand and what should be done about an assistant coach who allegedly put his hands on a police officer while threatening a bouncer on the South Side.

The distractions obscured the superlative performances. And those superlative performances in turn clouded what may be the most impressive part of the last two months for the Pittsburgh Steelers: An offensive line that has quietly become the best in the NFL.

Since the Steelers’ eight-game winning streak began November 20^th in Cleveland, they’ve missed zero man games along the offensive line due to injury, have paved the way for 4.9 yards/carry and most impressively, have allowed just 5 sacks of their starting QB in his last 8 games played.

Perhaps it’s time we started using names at this point. Maurkice Pouncey, Ramon Foster, David DeCastro, Alejandro Villanueva, and Marcus Gilbert have provided the once battle-worn and oft-damaged Ben Roethlisberger the cleanest half-season stretch of his life. Moreover, it’s the cleanest 8-game stretch any quarterback has seen in the NFL this year. Combine it with the prolific nature of the Steelers’ ground game since late November, and you’re left wondering why – aside from the walking boot, the arrested linebacker coach, the legendary former QB’s salty attitude, the cheerleading head coach, the dancing wide receiver, and everything else that has been a story for the Steelers this season – why the nameless, faceless unit that is at the core of their offensive success hasn’t received more attention.

So here’s a quick reminder: Everything you’ve seen the last couple of months from Ben Roethlisberger, Le’Veon Bell, Antonio Brown, heck even from James Harrison, Bud Dupree, Ryan Shazier, Stephon Tuitt, and even from behind the shadow of Terry Bradshaw and Mike Tomlin, none of it should be talked about without at least whispering the five names that have powered the Steelers’ momentum as they head for Kansas City: Pouncey, Foster, DeCastro, Villanueva, and Gilbert.

SKEWED PRIORITIES: WEED VS. WOMEN

Let’s ask a pointed question, shall we? What’s more important to you, weed or women?

What would make you more angry? The story of a guy who got high when he should have known better? Or the story of a guy who hit a woman? Or a guy who may have even sexually assaulted a woman?

Maybe it’s me, because I grew up the only child of a single mother. But I know what would get my blood boiling faster. I’m asking you this question because it’s 2016, and many of you are maligning a possible recreational drug user more than we’ve ever vilified a possible rapist and an admitted batterer.

Welcome to a world of skewed priorities.

PLAY THE KIDS

That bell you here ringing off in the distance? Faintly, but just loud enough that you know you should heed its call?

That’s not just Josh Bell.

It’s the school bell.

Class is in. Or, at least it should be for the Pirates.

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 15

Three-quarters of our Elite 8 have been decided, and other than Scrooged somehow losing to The Santa Clause in the 1st Round, our biggest, and most disappointing upset has taken place: Love Actually - unarguably a Top 3 holiday film in my personal opinion - gets bounced by Phoebe Cates and some furry little critters that turn into monsters if you get them wet or feed them after midnight.

Disappointing doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. This is right up there with the afternoon I spent just walking the streets of North Baldwin because my 13-year old brain couldn't comprehend that David Volek had just doubled down on the infinite pain Francisco Cabrerea had caused me six months earlier.

It's not often 13-year old kids go on a walkabout to clear their minds. Typically, if you're not living in a one bedroom apartment with your grandmother, you find salvation in video games or the nudie mags you'd stolen from the stash you and your cousin found in your uncle's office. But Gram is home, and she just doesn't get it, and you literally have to just walk. I think I may have even stopped at St. Wendelin's and lit a candle for my future sports fandom, that's how rough a state I was in.

So, when you guys vote Gremlins a better holiday movie than Love Actually, you damn near put me in walkabout mode. I want you to know that.

Now that my inner pain has been released, we can move on to what now measures up to be a hell of a battle in the 80s/90s bracket:

80s/90s genre: (1) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation vs. (5) The Santa Clause

If I have to sit and explain the merits of Christmas Vacation to you, then you're a lost soul who shouldn't be viewing this but instead should be out on a walkabout of your own, searching for the meaning of life. It is hands down the #1 overall seed in this tournament, and I've already begun allowing my 6-year old daughter to watch it - and not the chintzy, ABC Family version, either - to correctly set a baseline for all future sense of humor. (She cracks fart jokes regularly, so I know something's working, by the way.)

Click on the graphic above to vote Tim 'The Tool Man' out of this thing, if even a round too late. Also, you can take a look at our up-to-date brackets below.

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 14

More than halfway home in The Best Holiday Movie EVER Tournament, and the results really don't cease to surprise me. The Muppets over Bing Crosby & Danny f'ing Kaye? The Santa Clause over Scrooged? The Polar Express working over Four Christmases? All the kind of results that shocked, suprised, and somewhat dismayed me.

An updated view of the brackets:

Today has been no different thus far, as we have THREE different match-ups being contested. I could try to give you guys a little write up on each as I've done to this point, but will save my words for the two stellar battles coming tomorrow and the day after, as Home Alone will face off against A Christmas Story and The Santa Clause will look to upset National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Today, for your gladiatorial viewing pleasure, we give you...
(click on the "VS" image to be taken to the poll for each contest)

'Not Quite' genre: (1) Love Actually vs. (5) Gremlins

 Post-2000 genre: (2) Bad Santa vs. (3) How the Grinch Stole Christmas

'Not Quite' genre: (2) Die Hard vs. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 11

After a day off to let everybody's aunt who pretends to understand sports recover form the Pascal Dupuis retirement and Neil Walker trade, The Best Holiday Move EVER Tournament is back for Day 11.

First, an updated look at our brackets:

It's a Wonderful Life took care of Miracle on 34th Street in an efficiently quiet manner, and now moves on to face either A Muppet Christmas Carol or the movie I'm currently staying up until 2:30am to watch: White Christmas.

And THAT is our first battle of today's doubleheader:

Classics genre: (2) White Christmas vs. (5) A Muppet Christmas Carol

Full disclosure: I really expected you guys to be a bigger fan of the Classics bracket, and your lack of response has me worried about the championship viability of this genre. That said, A Muppet Christmas Carol is in this "region" by default, only because it's a remake of a classic. To be honest, I didn't even expect it to get past Alistair Sim's 1951 version of A Christmas Carol. 

But here we are, and The Muppets, better known for spending the early 80s carrying The Fraggles out of the now-defunct "puppet" conference, have a chance, however slim, to unseat the epitome of every old school, Bing Crosby musical: White Christmas.

Now, take it from someone who despises musicals: White Christmas is not Grease. It's not Fame, or Glitter, or some other awful garbage that some musical theater lover in your life has tried to cram down your throat at some point in your life. It's Bing & Danny Kaye chasin' dames and honoring their ol' general from World War II, and just in general acting the way dudes in the 50s acted: Like men. Add in the facts that Vera Ellen is a fox and Dean Jagger makes you want to go find your favorite father/uncle/mentor figure and thank him for every damn thing he ever did to make you the man you are today, and you don't even care that in the end the whole thing doesn't really have a crap to do with Christmas, or get white, until the final 10 minutes. Vote for this matchup here.

The other half of Friday's doubleheader is a pair of Post-2000 "new" classics that are becoming a staple of the basic cable post-Thanksgiving rotation:

Post-2000 genre: (1) Elf vs. (4) The Polar Express

As noted in the 1st Round, The Polar Express comes back around to the classic Christmas theme of belief in the unseen, and does it through fairly creepy computer animation and the ubiquitous nature of Tom Hanks' voice. 

Elf, for the most part, gets by on star power: Will Ferrel, James Caan, Bob Newhart, and pre-"New Girl" Zooey Deschanel are funny stars though, and some clutch cameos by Peter Dinklage, Andy Richter, and Artie Lange keep the thing moving along despite the fact that it could probably be distilled down to a really excellent SNL skit. That's not to take anything away from Elf, but let's be honest: Without Ferrel being himself and Jon Favreau's name on the directorial credit, this isn't a movie that people now make sure to watch every year. 

Vote for this matchup here.

YOUR MOM HEARTS NEIL WALKER

The black and gold sky is falling.

At least that’s what your mom’s Facebook feed would tell you.

The Pittsburgh Kid won’t be working in Pittsburgh anymore, and it must be because that miserly Bob Nutting is too cheap. Or because Neal Huntington had it out for Walker. Or some other evil conspiracy theory.

How about the idea that this path had run its course for both Walker and the organization that drafted him?

But what about the Silver Slugger? Funny, Pedro Alvarez hit more home runs over the past 4 years than any other Pittsburgh Pirate, but I don’t see yinzers posting videos of their kids crying about his departure.

But what about the hometown draw of Walker? Weird; I seem to recall Sean Casey, Don Kelly, and John Wehner all leaving the Pirates without so much as a sniffle from a populace now acting as if the Fort Pitt Bridge has been lifted right out from underneath us.

What about Walker’s blue collar work ethic though? Heck, he even promised to move to first base in exchange for about $40 million. What a team-first guy!!

Look, before getting off the rails, the point of this is not to deride Neil Walker. (He is, genuinely, a good dude, and it does sting to lose a good dude.) Nor is it to necessarily champion Jonathon Neise. (Even after a few sessions with Uncle Ray Searage, Cy Young he ain't gonna be.) However, there’s no reason for vice versa, either. Especially when this is the best possible solution for everyone involved.

Walker gets to go to a large media market where he’ll have a chance to prove that he can be as productive and even more healthy in his 30s than he was in his 20s. (Oh, and I’m sure they’ll appreciate his newfound ability to hit left handed pitching, too! … … Wait…)

Meanwhile, the Pirates, after cutting ties with Alvarez and Walker within a week of each other, as well as refusing to pay J.A. Happ, can use the approximately $30 million that would have gone to those three players to bolster their roster in two of the most expensive spots in baseball: The starting rotation and 1^st base. Even after paying Niese his $9 million this season, a cool $20+ million will sit and wait to be spent on a Scott Kazmir or Mitch Moreland or even a prorated trade deadline acquisition in July.

See, I know it’s hard to believe, but division titles and pennants aren’t won with black-and-yellow rainbows and unicorns with parking chairs for horns, and certainly not in December. And championships aren’t won in a single offseason, either. They’re pieced together over time through a long range plan, which in the case of Huntington, has been in place for years now. And I’m guessing that plan never involved someday paying a 33-year old 2^nd baseman $15 million/year, regardless of how many WPIAL football titles he’d won, and especially when he has younger, more affordable options waiting to take over. (Despite my distaste at the Alvarez release, the same holds true in his case, minus the North Hills zip code.)

Baseball is a business, whether you like it or not. And when you’ve got one of the 5 worst local TV deals in MLB and middle-of-the road attendance, you have to acknowledge that you can’t overspend on a  regular basis. Would it be nice to overspend in one season to stack the deck? Sure. As long as you don’t worry about how it’s going to affect the viability of your roster in the long term.

Would you rather spend $45 million on Neil Walker over the next three years, or have an extra $45 million to put toward a future Gerrit Cole or Andrew McCutchen or Starling Marte extension?

Oh, wait… None of those guys are from Pittsburgh. I’ll just go tell them they can go, because they clearly don’t mean as much to this franchise as the kid from Pine-Richland does.

At least that’s what my mom’s Facebook page told me. 

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 9

The 1^st Round of The Best Holiday Movie EVER Tournament is behind us, and some great match-ups are in store as we look forward to what should be a hotly contested Sweet 16.

A quick analysis of the 1^st Round shows that none of the contests really got as close I expected. I thought we’d have at least a few 51-49/down-to-the-wire style battles, but in the end, every single match-up was decided by at least 20 percentage points.

The most interesting outcomes, at least in my opinion, were that Miracle on 34^th Street’s rout of Holiday Inn wasn’t really the biggest beatdown, at least not based on actual votes cast, and that the two match-ups I thought would be the closest – Home Alone vs. The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Santa Clause vs. Scrooged turned out to be a crushing defeat and a disappointing outcome, respectively.

And that disappointment may be the biggest takeaway from the 1^st Round: Your enjoyment of cheese and schtick and schlock is on display during the holidays. Scrooged and it’s dark, satirical, sarcastic-Bill Murray – despite being the closest match-up of the 1^st Round – still got walked by Tim Allen in a campy story about a dude who somehow loses shared custody of his kid because everyone thinks he’s mentally unstable. If not for the schlock and schtick and cheese, and watched on an adult level with no buy-in on “the magic of Christmas,” The Santa Clause is a damn depressing movie. But you're not in that state of mind during the holiday season. You are as deadset on a good, old fashioned, family Christmas as Clark W. Griswold, Jr.

As the page turns toward the Sweet 16, and given the results of the 1^st Round, some future fights take on a new hue, but it also looks like we’re in store for a lot similarity match-ups: Kid vs. kid in Home Alone vs. A Christmas Story, dad vs. dad in Christmas Vacation vs. The Santa Clause, bad guy vs. bad guy in The Grinch vs. Bad Santa.

With all this said, let’s just do the damn thing…. Our first contest of the Sweet 16, with the victor moving on to face either White Christmas or A Muppet Christmas Carol… is:

Classics genre: (1) It’s a Wonderful Life vs. (6) Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

Two classics of the holiday season, that for the longest time, were probably the two most ubiquitous Christmas movies in existence. Maybe that’s because they both used to be hammered home in the 80s and early 90s, when more recent holiday movies were – for the most part – crap, and basic cable was desperate for inexpensive programming. Or maybe it’s because they actually connect with people; Miracle with its timeless theme of belief is much more specific to the holiday season, and somewhat spiritual if you want to extrapolate out that belief to all of that which is unseen.

Wonderful, despite being classically constructed around Christmas Eve, is about so much more than just a belief in the unseen – Clarence, Angel 2^nd Class, takes care of that angle nicely though. It’s about the epitome of all those qualities – perseverance, hard work, determination – that lead to the Capraesque American Dream. And on the side is a little serving of Joni Mitchell – you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone. George Bailey works his tail off making the building & loan the cornerstone of Bedford Falls, despite his dreams of traveling the world. He settles down and becomes the conscience of the town in its battle against the curmudgeonly miser Mr. Potter (and damned if Lionel Barrymore isn’t the template for every evil, greedy, smarmy bad guy ever since) until lives the average, everyday, middle class American husband/dad’s ideal existence until Uncle Billy nozzes it all up. For the two of you out there who have somehow avoided watching it, I won’t ruin it, but in the end George realizes just how, well… wonderful, life really is. Even when it’s trying to rain shite down upon you.

There it is, our first big Sweet 16 bout of the Best Holiday Movie EVER Tournament. Vote now.

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 8

It's here, people: The final match-up of the 1st Round is upon us, and some truly epic Sweet 16 battles are looming:

Before we get to those however, the final 1st Round match-up is a traditional, animated "Christmas-y" movie going up against another dysfunctional family dynamic with a slight undercurrent of RomCom.

(4) The Polar Express vs. (5) Four Christmases

On the surface, you're going to have a hard time choosing Vince Vaughn & Reese Witherspoon over the warm, fuzzy, animated voice of Tom Hanks. Keep that in mind, because Robert Duvall knows people. Click here to vote.

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 7

Halfway through the 1^st Round of The Chris Mack Holiday Movie Tournament, we may not yet have blowouts in the rearview mirror, but we are starting to solidify what should be some quality 2^nd Round match-ups: Planes, Train, and Automobiles vs. Die Hard, Miracle on 34^th Street vs. It’s a Wonderful Life, and Dr. Seusss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas vs. Bad Santa all have ‘legendary battle’ written all over them. And based on the outcome of today’s contest, we could be in for yet another epic next week when A Christmas Story enters the fray.

Ralphie and Randy and the Bumpus’s dogs and the Red Rider BB gun may have an opponent walking into the back alley on Cleveland Street that would bloody a nose a la Ralphie the time he messed up Scut Farcus: Kevin McCallister and The Wet Bandits.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, because if we get what would be a huge upset today, things could be turned upside down.

80s/90s genre: (3) Home Alone vs. (6) The Nightmare Before Christmas

Despite trying to remain neutral in these battles, this is one where I’ll be honest tell you I don’t see how Home Alone loses. A true classic, it’s two hours of a kid playing out every kid’s fantasy on film: Doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it, ruling the house, and creatively, inventively, and bravely saving the day. Not having to deal with siblings or parents or anyone else while being a de facto superhero? “Yes, please!” said every 7-to-11-year old ever.

UNLESS, you’re just not in to mainstream holiday fun, and you want a movie that revolves around the idea of taking over Christmas and making it more Halloween-y, for lack of a better term.

If you were the kid who discovered Marilyn Manson early on, sat in the back of the classroom in all black with eyeliner on, and generally found the ‘cool,’ and ‘popular’ kids crushingly annoying and oblivious, there’s a good chance The Nightmare Before Christmas was in your wheelhouse.

In fact, there’s a chance that if you were 10 or 11 when Home Alone cam out, you like dit then but turned on it and traditionally ‘fun’ holiday movies by the time Nightmare came out, and actually feel a bit conflicted about this match-up.

Either way, if Nightmare pulls off the upset, it gets Christmas Vacation next and The Santa Clause would take on A Christmas Story. If Home Alone holds the chalk, it will get A Christmas Story, and we’ll get the Chevy Chase-Tim Allen face-off in the 2^nd Round.

Vote here.

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 5

Today's action is a doubleheader, partly because each of these match-ups on their own are underwhelming, and partly because it's a weekend and I'm spending time with family. So take a peak at the contests below and then click on the link for each to vote.

"Not Quite" genre: (4) When Harry Met Sally vs. (5) Gremlins

A classic 80s rom-com against a classic 80s action/fantasy flick. WHMS is Billy Crystal at his best, plus you've got Meathead directing, and Meg Ryan's fake orgasm scene (above) is still a pop culture reference - "I'll have what she's having." - a quarter century later. Gremlins had every kid wanting a furry little animal we could feed after midnight just so we could see how it would destroy the place. Or, depending on your age, wanting Phoebe Cates all over again, just after your post-Fast Times Ridgemont had subsided. Vote here.

The other matchup in tonight's doubleheader...

The Classics genre: (4) A Christmas Carol (1951) vs. (5) A Muppet Christmas Carol

Honestly, this one just comes down to whether you prefer Jim Henson's Muppets or a classically trained, British Shakespearean stage actor delivering you the miserly Scrooge, Bob Cratchit & Tiny Tim, three ghosts, and it's timeless lesson. Vote here.

Finally, an updated view of our brackets:

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 4

After a rout yesterday, we're starting to see a strong pattern emerge in the Chris Mack Best Holiday Movie EVER Tournament: You guys want feel-good, family-friendly movies with a strong holiday theme. Despite all of the moaning and wailing upon the bracket's release about Trading Places and Batman Returns and some others, you're all-in on The Santa Clause over Scrooged and Miracle on 34th Street. Is that because of name cachet? Are you inviting Duke to the dance just because they're Duke? Or are these legitimate preferences?

We're going to test that theory with a pair of match-ups in that vein this weekend, but before we get ahead of ourselves, we come to a battle between two movies that strike the anti-commercialism chord. Or at least one of them does while the other is a variant of an original story that struck the anti-commercialism chord nearly 50 years ago.

'Post-2000' Genre: (3) Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas vs. (6) Fred Claus

Fred Claus is a nice intertwining of stories with a legitimately great cast, from the above-the-marquee stars in Paul Giamatti and Vince Vaughn, to the supporting cast of Kevin Spacey, Elizabeth Banks, and John Michael Higgins. It has a classic villain in the storyline of Spacey trying to oust Giamatti's Claus, while Vaughn tries to figure out how he fits in to the family as the ne'er-do-well, but good-hearted younger brother Fred. (It's the holidays, ultimately everyone ends up being good-hearted.)

Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas sticks to the original Seuss storyline about as much as Johnny Manziel sticks to his sobriety on a bye week, in as much as the main character is a furry, green creature living in a cave above Whoville with his dog named Max. The film veers off though in it's depiction of The Whos as compared to the book and the animated special, in that they become much more directly antagonistic to Jim Carrey's Grinch rather than just being obsessively compulsive Christmas addicts. Getting some back story as to why the Grinch is the way he is is a nice way to flesh out the story and turn a 24-minute animated special into a 104-minute feature on why you should be nice to people who are different and appreciate the holiday season for its true meaning, not just "packages, boxes, and bags." But in the end, you can't sell me on Christine Barasnki as Whoville's head-turning stunner, and despite Jeffrey Tambor turning in a solid villain role, this isn''t "Arrested Development," and I don't dislike him enough to want the Grinch to get even with him. I more just kinda want to turn him off.

Day 4 voting can be done here.

HOLES

Last night, Neil Huntington picked up the phone and made some calls. He may have fielded a few from fellow General Managers as well. Clearly, there weren’t enough serious calls though to lead to the trading of Pedro Alvarez. So Huntington had to pick up the phone and make one more call.

To Pedro Alvarez. A 1^st Round draft pick. A slugger with the potential to drop bombs on the Allegheny like the Russian and French fighter jets currently raining hell on northeastern Syria. A guy who, despite all the conjecture about his work ethic or perceived personality, was one of the hardest working, most respected guys in a clubhouse full of guys who have, for the most part, come up together.

A guy who Mike Matheny pitched around in late September like he was Barry Bonds in his prime will not be a Pirate next year. He will go somewhere else and hit mammoth home runs. The kind of dingers that could put holes in walls as well as go over them they were hit so hard sometimes.

The kind of home runs no one else in the Pirates organization can hit.

If he’s allowed to put on a glove and go field, he will undoubtedly make errors. Errors catching the ball, as well as errors throwing the ball. Ultimately, yes, this is still a game where you have to be able to throw the ball and catch the ball, as well as hit the ball. And while Pedro was very good at hitting it very far sometimes – despite a hole in his swing the size of Jobu when it came to curveballs – he was not very good at catching it or throwing it. In an organization that now cuddles every percentage point of WAR like it’s a warm blanket on a cold winter night, you simply can’t give away runs. You can’t have a guy at first base every night who has a giant hole in his glove.

A year ago at this time, the Pittsburgh Pirates had already made a handful of moves to fill holes on the roster that had been left after a disappointing exit in the wildcard game of October 2014 and the subsequent departure of Russell Martin. Francisco Cervelli had been added, A.J. Burnett had been added, other small pieces such as Sean Rodriguez and Rob Scahill had been added, and the Pirates for the most part had fleshed out not just their everyday lineup, but what much of their bench and the bulk of their rotation would look like as well.

Well, here we sit on the eve of the winter meetings of 2015, and we are left wondering not ‘Who might start at shortstop?’ or ‘Who might be the fourth starter in the rotation?’ or ‘Who might be the fourth outfielder?’, but instead ‘Who's going to be the third starter in the rotation?’ And ‘Who on earth is going to start at first base every day?’ ‘Who’s going to provide 25-30 HR power in the lineup behind Andrew McCutchen and Starling Marte?’

The Pittsburgh Pirates of early last December had a few question marks. The Pittsburgh Pirates of this early December have a whole lot more than question marks, they've got holes. Big holes. Big holes that need to be filled for a team being considered the Best Organization in Baseball and looking to contend for a World Championship. This is a team that can't bank on Josh Bell being a starting first baseman come mid-season. This is a team that can't bank on Tyler Glasnow being a mid-rotation level Major League starter by midseason. This is a team that's going to have to win 95 games to have a shot at the National League Central Division title. And again, as has been the oft uttered refrain since last February; the goal should be to win the division.

Right now though, this doesn't look like a division winning team. How do you win the division without a solid middle of the rotation starter? How do you win the division without a power bat at first base and/or in the middle of the lineup protecting your free-swinging superstars? Especially in the NL Central, where the Cubs could bang out 100 wins this year without breaking a sweat, and the Cardinals can do 90 wins in their sleep, the Pittsburgh Pirates need to fortify for 2016. Neil Huntington needs to get back on the phone TODAY and start filling big holes. And that means making big calls on big moves that can have a big impact on a team that’s still looking for its first division title since 1992.

And that’s an even bigger big hole than the one in Pedro’s swing, the one in his glove, or the one his absence will leave in the middle of the lineup. 

BEST HOLIDAY MOVIE EVER TOURNAMENT - DAY 3

Well, if Day 2 of the Best Holiday Movie EVER Tournament taught us anything, it’s that you value jiggly prosthetic bellies over sarcasm, family comedy over dark comedy, and Tim Allen over Bill Murray. At least at Christmastime, you want feel-good schmaltz over laughs.

How The Santa Clause’s decidedly emphatic upset of Scrooged effects the rest of the tournament remains to be seen, but without a doubt all six films in the “Classics” genre have had their stock go up, while heavy favorites like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,  A Christmas Story, and Bad Santa suddenly seem more vulnerable than originally thought.

Day 3 takes us to that “Classics” bracket for a pair of movies that probably wouldn’t be in the bracket except for reputation. This is an 18-12 North Carolina or Duke team getting in just because they are who they are.

With Miracle On 34^th Street, you have the template for every “why can’t these damn people just believe in Santa?!?” story ever. Plus some priceless marketing for Macy’s. With Holiday Inn you get a namesake for a future hotel chain, and the younger, weaker little sister to White Christmas despite the fact that the song “White Christmas” actually comes from the movie Holiday Inn.

Follow all that? And in Holiday Inn, Bing Crosby doesn’t even tap dance with Danny f$%&in’ Kaye because he’s too busy trying to keep Fred Astaire from creeping on his lady friend(s).

Day 3 voting takes place right here. 

HUMP DAY #HOTTAKES

Welcome to the first edition of what will be a semi-occasional collection of thoughts that I currently don’t have the time to flesh into full posts/columns…

-         A quick suggestion for Ben Roethlisberger and Mike Tomlin: Before you each decide to go on respective local media outlets and declare concussion statuses, try getting together with one another first. Your messy little media dance over the last 24 hours was embarrassing for you both and made you look more like a great casting for Step Brothers 2 than a Super Bowl-contending Head Coach-QB combo.

"I don't concussion I have do, think I?"
"Obviously."

-          As much as you (wrongly) hate him now, when Pedro Alvarez goes to the AL and drops 40 dingers, you’re gonna miss his furry face. Worse yet, what if we goes to Miami and Barry Bonds turned him into the second coming of Albert Pujols? Would that be a double-down on The Bonds Curse, or an all new curse of its own?

-          It’s always great when we can put aside what a boorish assh0le someone has been in the past to appreciate the best of their legacy because it’s their last go-‘round. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Kobe.) How much better is it though when we don’t have to push any off that aside, and can simply just appreciate a legend for being a good person who was good at something? …

...

…. I’ll give you some time to try and come up with a modern one of those.

-          If I had money to wager, I’d drop $100 on Evgeni Malkin to win the Hart Trophy as NHL MVP. Will he sustain the pace he’s on right now for the next 4½ months? Who knows. But if he keeps up at even half of it, he’s worth considering Bovada doesn’t even have him on the board right now. Only somewhat related, what mook is willing to bet ANYTHING on Sidney Crosby bouncing back to have the kind of season he’d have to have to win the same award, $1200 payout or not?

      Never in my lifetime has it felt like the futures of Pitt’s and Penn State’s football programs are heading in such divergent directions. If James Franklin is left in control at Penn State, and Pat Narduzzzi stays on with the Panthers, in 2-3 seasons Pitt will be competing for the ACC Championship and the Lions will be putzing around with yet another 4^th place finish in the B1G East by virtue of the fact that Indiana, Maryland, and Rutgers are all in their division, and little else. 

If you missed any posts from the previous week or so, check 'em out here:
     Crosby Promoted To 3rd Line
     Guts, Balls, Onions, and Living In Your Fears
     Ugly Wins Again
     Time's Up, Peyton